sad life.

hey blogger,im back :)

life...made me speechless.too many things happened in just few hours time.
i don't know where to start because there are too many things i want to tell.
i always wish you really know what i feel inside...
feeling 10000 times more tired than usual and mentally break down.
seriously i don't know how long i can pretend to be fine infront of you.
to be fine infront of everyone.i don't want anyone to worry about me.
so i will continue to pretend.it is hard really i am not kidding.

wondering how someone can change completely in 3 days times.
all the promises are meant to be broken.i found it hard to trust everyone around me.
people can just come back to you,stay,then leave...
friends.i never believe that we can be just friends.
after everything you said and after everything been through.
ya sad but what to do.life.

hate the feeling when i try to find topics to talk to you.
and you sound like you don't even bother to talk to me.
everyday waiting,waiting for things to get better.
until both of us gave up.totally gave up.
i always thought you know me and understand me well.
i guess i was wrong.

alot things i wanna tell you but i don't know how.
and i choose not to.
you can always be influenced so easily by ur friends around you.
maybe they are right sometimes.but not everytime.
they don't fucking understand how i feel,they only understand yours.
i won't explain anything i don't see the need to do so.
people wanna misunderstand me,fine let them.i don't give a fuck.

i know you are tired too and i don't blame you.nobody can wait forever i know.
you gave me my freedom and now it is time for me to give you yours.

everyday i am crying inside and nobody knows.
i can't get over everything like you do in such a short time.
sorry but i can't.i can't even stand one day without talking to you.
everything after 4 years...
and you can get over everything and leave just like that.
friends,you said.
i know we have been friends for 10 months.but not real one.
see the ways you treated me.funny huh.confusing too.

everyday waiting for the same shits to happen.
and it doesn't i guess it won't happen anymore.
because you have no idea how much i miss everything in the past.
i wonder if you ever bother about what i think and how i feel inside.

feeling like strangers talking to you.
thinking that you don't even care about what i told you.
i already get used to everything.
how you want me to fucking change everything.
thank you for all the phobias and insecurities you brought to me in the past.
i still have it now.

thank you for staying as friends?haha.

im sorry but this time i really don't know what you feel inside.